Uncertainties

I am uncertain if I finally made it. I am uncertain if I am through.
Have all the scars healed? Have all the pain subsided?
Has enough been enough? Was it a good goodbye? Is it all gone and over?
A closure?

Last night I was out with friends. I was supposed to go straight home when I got a an sms from May Ann. I thought, maybe it'll be cool to hang out for a while. I got to meet up with old friends from high school. Talk about old times. Ghost stories were very interesting, they all seem to enjoy each other's tales. So did I.

But then... I don't know how it got to the part when they randomly asked about my "love life". They were particularly referring to how I met my husband and not with the boyfriends I had. Maybe May Ann chickened out, trying to change the subject or I don't know. It was weird. I didn't feel like talking about it. I must've talked about it a thousand times with different people before. Those times when I was so willing to share the sad story (Barz seems to love it).

So I didn't have a choice. They were very pushy. And so, my tale went on. They were paying attention to it. I was amazed. After sharing my story they all felt the same feeling. Hurt.
It wasn't just a sad story, it was hurtful. Funny thing, because they thought it was a happy story. The one they've read or seen in the movie perhaps. Instead, after my tale, they put their hands on their chest and awwwwwwwwed then gave me a hug.

I missed some events. I did try to remember the worst times and I am glad to realize that I have started to forget about them. Talking about it don't bring me tears anymore. I get to smile about it. I get to talk about it with confidence. I often hear people say after I share my story "If that would've happened to me, I wouldn't make it." I should tally it next time for the sake of this blog. When a person is strong, it doesn't mean it's OK to hurt them.

So am I ready now? Have I moved on? Have I forgiven everyone?

I have no answers to these questions yet. But I'm sure that I am better and the way I feel before, is much different now. I thank God for the help. No distraction was needed. No "get even" happened. I didn't need those. A blessing was given to me instead.

The story has not ended yet. No happy ending. Not a bad one either.

You wanna know the rest of the story? Maybe someday I'll share it here.. or maybe not. It depends if there's an offer I can't refuse. hehehe chao! Don't want to be late for work tomorrow.